5 limiting blocks to putting yourself out there and what to do about it
Last week, I wrote an article about the prince charming syndrome and how we wait for our talent to be discovered. That we should instead put ourselves out there in any manner possible. I strongly believe that the universe conspires to help us achieve our goals once we set something in motion.
So, happens in the same week and with that mindset, I got invited to a new bakery opening in town. It might not be a breakthrough or a life changing event, but it provided validation for the path I am setting out. See, my second passion in life is food (the first being expressing my thoughts).
So, I post on Instagram purely as a mean for people to find my recommendations and at some point, I questioned, is it worth it? Well I think I got a sign from the universe when a marketing agent contacted me to do a story and a post.
I have dissected my own thought process and what blocked me from putting myself out there for a long time:
1. Opinions of people around you
Sometimes, people in your circle can negatively influence your decisions even though they mean no harm. When I announced casually that I was going to start posting publicly on social media, the response was: ‘Oh do not tell me you are going to be an influencer now!’.
I should have said, aren’t we all influencers in our lives and in our own way?
Sadly, I let it get to me and it weighed me down for a bit.
What changed: Maturity/Growing older and definitely caring less about people’s opinions.
What to do about it?
It is easy to say we do not care about what other people think but we do. Especially we value the opinions of our own friends and family members. But if they are not walking your path, they cannot judge, it is that simple.
2. Loss of identity
We cling to an identity, starting from the name we are given at birth. This identity slowly starts cementing and defines who we are, gradually. The older you are, the more you think your identity is set in stone. As an example, I am an accountant with x years of experience. Who am I to be posting on social media? It feels like I am contradicting who I am supposed to represent.
Except I am also a highly creative being and this is another side of my identity that gets buried under piles of responsibilities and how I have presented myself to the world for the past decade or so.
What to do about it?
You are a complex human being with different tones in your personality. Just allow yourself to be. Whatever identity you have crafted over the years, you can still have it. Be grounded in yourself but allow yourself to unleash that part that is hidden. One step at a time.
3. Feeling of shame
What if I put myself and it does not work out? I believe the fear of being embarrassed in society is forcing us to hide our talents. What if we get ridiculed? Or we are not good enough?
What to do about it?
Baby Steps. You do not need to fully expose your gifts to the world if you do not want to. At the end of the day, understand the choice is yours and yours only. From my experience, if you feel strongly about shame, take small steps in the right direction. Just act, but in your own time. I found it gave my irrational fears time to get accustomed with the new situation.
4. Selling is not for me
We have this notion about salesmen being unscrupulous people who would stoop to any level to meet their targets. So, we refuse to put ourselves out there because we cannot sell ourselves. It stands against our morals and values. Afterall, if we were good enough, we would not need to promote ourselves.
That is a big fallacy!
What to do about it?
At the end of the day, we are all selling ourselves in one way or the other. To get a job, we send our resume to market our skills. At work, we dress well and do our best to impress our bosses. In our relationships, we aim to be our best self for our partners. We always want to portray ourselves in the best light. We got to embrace the fact that selling is human.
5. I am just a commoner
This is a limiting belief that affects many of us. The feeling that luck comes to others. We have a tendency to think that good things happen to other people. We put certain categories of people on pedestals; movie stars, athletes and famous artists. We forget that they also started somewhere. That they are also humans like us.
The internet has given us the opportunity to present our portfolio in ways that we could not before. Yet, we still remain in the shadows thinking that can never work out for us.
What to do about it?
Anyone we look up to or want to be like started like us one day, with a first move. We also tend to assume that so-called influencers had a head start, some kind of advantage that is not within our reach.
Most of them started from scratch. Read some of the stories, they are truly beautiful. The hustle is real. They do not have anything more or less than you, maybe they were early movers. But they still moved!
Limiting beliefs keep us from taking even a small step. I even hesitated to dip my toe into anything, and I did not even know that the blocks were actually self-imposed. But with experience and falling down a few times, you learn that nothing is as it seems and you do not know unless you try.
Fall 99 times and get up on the 100th, they say. I am still on fall number 5 but we march forward. Baby steps.
