Toxic positivity has to die a toxic death
In the early stages of my coaching business, I went to Ottawa to work on the website with my friend. Her new boyfriend happened to be there. We bonded.
During a heart to heart conversation, I was telling them a few of my travel stories. And at one point, he was shocked and went: ‘I thought you were so perfect, since you are a coach’.
I found that extremely interesting. Because the whole essence of coaching is having surmounted obstacles and can thus guide people along the way.
We are humans after all
But as humans, we are used to pigeonholing others. I have done it too. You attached perfect personas to celebrities, successful people and apparently coaches too.
If all life coaches had perfect lives, they would be miserable. Because the perfect life does not exist.
Yet we are so scared to say, we are not fine. Because it makes us look weak, as If we have failed.
This reminds me of Ross in Friends, when Rachel and Joey announced they were dating, and he blurts out in a squeaky voice: ‘I am fiiiiine’.
Also reminds me of our country leaders making official pandemic statements: Everything is peachy, everything is under controlled. Thank you for voting for us. We rock. (ok nobody said that per say).
What would happen if you actually truly said what you are going through?
When someone asked ‘hey how are you’ and you go ‘I am not ok, need some time to get better but I will get there’. Or ‘I am juggling with too many responsibilities right now, I need a break’?
All emotions are valid
Dismissing negative emotions is lethal.
If I say I am 100% fine all the time where my life runs smoothly, I will be lying. But society will not give you that 2% leeway when you are feeling down, overwhelmed or going through a dark phase.
You will have to give yourself permission to feel and that it has nothing to do with your character or profession.